


Your Fingertips Across My Skin

by Guen91



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Romance, Unrequited Love, When will this finally stop, friends to lovers?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-04
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-22 01:58:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9577139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Guen91/pseuds/Guen91
Summary: Basically a really typical story of a girl being in love with a guy who sees her in the friendzone only.





	

His upper body is resting comfortably against the back of the couch, long legs stretched out in front of him. His brown eyes with that hint of green in them are looking at the TV. His facial features are absolutely relaxed, his plump lips curving into a soft smile and his small beard plays around his jawline. Dots of sunlight wander over the soft curve that is his bald head and I could watch him like this forever.

We are friends for over eight months now and although this is only our third private meet-up, I am pretty sure I have never felt that comfortable with any other guy before, not even my two ex-boyfriends. I guess being co-workers (who work in different cities) and therefore talking to each other almost daily did play a big part in feeling like this. And exactly that fact is also part of the problem.

In the past few months barely anyone could make me feel as content as he did. Whenever there was an e-mail or a text from him, a smile would spread across my face. That he texts me while being out with his friends made my heart beat a little faster. But his voice, his oh-so-comforting voice is the thing that – even after all this time – I am the most attracted to. We call each other friends and he probably really means it and nothing more, but to me, he is so much more. He has been since that afternoon after work that we spent together during the third month of becoming more familiar than co-workers usually are.

At least a dozen times I have been trying to let go of him, to get over the feelings that started building up. Sometimes, I even tried to just let go of him completely, throwing away the friendship we have been creating but I never could. No matter how much my heart bled, as soon as his voice sounded over the phone, I just could not let it go. So, instead I kind of accepted the fact that he could make me happy but could also hurt me so badly, make me cry for days and break my heart over and over again, depending on how he acted towards me. 

At times, he makes me feel like talking to or texting with me is his favorite thing in the world and we will not stop for hours and well into the night, at other times, it seems like even one word from me is annoying to him. I cannot ever be sure if this thing we have – whatever kind of friendship it is - is as special to him as it is to me. I know that he is in close contact with at least one other girl, one that is a mutual co-worker and one that I constantly keep myself compare to and always absolutely lose against. But in the end he says that he cares about me, wants me to be happy and I guess that is all I am going to get from him. A friendship with lots of teasing and flirting. 

There are days when I really enjoy our little game but sometimes it nearly breaks me in two. 

Our last private time together was over four months ago and I thought about whether to ask him to meet up or just let it go for a long time. He has canceled our dates more often than he did not and I wanted to spare me the heartbreak all over again. But I missed his face a lot and in the end, I gave into the need and here I am.

I catch him looking at me and I feel my heart skip a beat. How he got into my heart that quickly and deeply will forever be a mystery to me but right here, right now, I could not be any happier. His lips part to say something and we fall into our usual conversation, easy, funny and always teasing each other. His voice sends shivers down my spine and I know that even if I should stay here for ten hours again, like the first time I got to his place, I would not ever get tired of hearing it. It is save to say that it is one of my favorite things in the world.

He is making a lot of eye contact. It is a relief to me that he seems to like our looks to meet and lock for a short while. I glance at the TV but I still feel his eyes on me. I am slowly inching closer to where he is sitting just because. 

His left and my right arm are resting comfortably close to one another and I could so easily take his hand but I am not brave enough, just like four months ago. We are just friends and we are definitely not that close that it would be lightly ignored if I did. No way am I risking the physical closeness we are having at that moment.

We continue talking. Suddenly his hand his taking mine and lifting them up into the air together while telling something funny and then quickly lets go again. My skin tingles from his touch and I almost forget how to breath. All of a sudden it feels like a déjà-vu of the last time after my trip to Berlin.

_I still remember checking my phone in-between the two parts of the show I went to see there. It caught me by surprise that I had a text from him, asking how my trip was going so far. He knew that we were supposed see each other the following day so I expected him to cancel. We only exchanged a couple of short messages before the show continued and I prepared myself for the cancellation w hen I was back at the hotel. Instead, our conversation turned into one of the longest, until three in the morning. And what was even stranger to me was the fact that he made me a lot of compliments, telling me how much he was looking forward to seeing me in a few hours. He sent kiss emojis. He told me that he loved me – not just “I like you” but also not “I love you”, it was something in-between and both, the emojis and the sentence, were an absolute first. Also, he said that he had to tell me something. That night I got two hours of sleep before I decided staying in bed was making no sense because my mind would not stop thinking about that conversation and what it meant. When I got to his place I was super tired and I apologized a couple of times when I was talking nonsense but he was just laughing it off and to me it seemed like he was trying for us to get closer to each other, physically, because for the first time ever he was taking my hand while telling a joke._

A chuckle and a bright smile from him bring me back out of my thoughts and I try not to zone out again because he obviously is enjoying the conversation we have although we are already at the point where we barely make any sense anymore. It is just fooling around again. 

Then he says that I am a Miss-Know-It-All and I pretend to be sulking, crossing my arms in front of my chest and staring at the TV with my head held high. He giggles and all of a sudden goes completely and suspiciously quiet. I throw a sideways glace at him and I see him giving me a look as well. I shrug it off and give all of my attention back to the television also I could not care less about whatever was on there.

Next thing I know, his index finger his poking into my side and I squeal, starting to laugh and we go into a tickling battle. I enjoy it way too much. We try to outsmart each other but it does not really work so after a while I just crack up helplessly and my head falls against his shoulder, hiding my face in his t-shirt. I lie close to him, my hands folded in front of me, lightly touching his side.

I freeze when his hands unexpectedly strokes over my hair. The small hairs on my neck are standing up and I try not to gasp or look like a deer in the headlights while my heart first skips a beat and then starts pounding madly. His hand rests on my forearm. It seriously is like a re-run of October. Through my lashes I look up at him and our eyes lock for a long time. We are only friends, do not dare kiss him, you fool. But I also cannot look away and I hope he does not notice the way I peer at his lips twice.

_By the way, he never told me what he wanted to say according to the late night texting._

He gives me a skeptical raised eyebrow at a statement I make regarding the television program to distract myself from staring at him and, as usual for our conversations, he gets an innocent “No?” (as in “You don’t think so?”) from me. He smiles again and I wish we could stay like this forever. I grab a small piece of chocolate from the nearby table and settle in against him again, plopping it into my mouth.

He demands a piece for himself and complains that he cannot reach it. When he sees my mean smirk his mouth already opens up to complain again but I reach for another piece and hold it in front of his waiting lips. 

We texted about that once, about what I would get if I fed him when he was too lazy. His reply back then was that I would get him in my “beloved”, salmon-colored jacket that was also part of quite a few WhatsApp and e-mail conversations. I declined and said that this would, sadly, not be enough.

Even then I knew it would be more than enough and it is, although he does not even wear the jacket now. Just when he is about to touch the chocolate with his lips, I pull away, laughing out loud at his surprised face before he glares at me. I apologize and bring the candy back in close only to pull it away last-minute again. He out of nowhere tackles me and I fall back onto my back. This is the closest I have ever been to him, I am absolutely stunned and unable to react when his lips land on mine. 

The chocolate falls from my grasp and I push him away, sitting up. I am so shocked about what just happened and I yell at him. Well, if that is even possible with my quiet voice. I shout "What are you doing? We're just friends!" In the past a kiss to the cheek from him had sent my feelings onto a roller coaster ride when according to him it meant nothing more than friendship. But friends do not kiss each other on the mouth – at least I do not.

That is what he has been telling me or rather letting me know by letting me tell him that I was having feelings towards him and rather accepting that I did not want any contact a few weeks ago than explaining the ambiguous things that were sometimes going back and forth between us.

He gives me another smile then, a sparkle in his eyes that I have not seen before and tells me that it already took him long enough to realize that I am more than just a friend. I think for a second my face goes absolutely blank at him but then we kiss again and eventually I end up asking if I could rest my head in his lap – the one place of my mom where I always felt safest when I was a kid.

Just when I put my head down, something, somewhere crashes, I shoot into an upright position, my eyes wide open and suddenly all I see is darkness. Except for the bright red numbers on my alarm clock, telling me that it is 5:20AM and it all was just a dream.

**Author's Note:**

> Just to hopefully finally get those feelings out of my system *sigh* Thanks for reading through <3


End file.
